Brain Pain
The final product. Friday, October 21, 2022
I had full intentions of going back to the office today. I really did. But my body had other plans.
Ever have a migraine? Not a bad headache, but a true migraine. One that feels like something is burrowing into your skull. Everything makes it worse… sounds, smells, light, movement, breathing. Where you want to throw up, but the thought of moving or opening your eyes seems like death.
I’ve suffered from migraines my entire life. My bio-mother used to get them as well. Just another lovely thing she passed down to me. I’ve had them so bad to where prescription ibuprofen did absolutely nothing (side note, you cannot take an NSAID, like ibuprofen, when on Cymbalta - and Tylenol doesn’t do much for me). I’ve had to go to the hospital and get a pain killer shot in my ass. When one hits, you will not be doing anything until it’s gone. And I mean anything.
I have fibromyalgia. I’ve officially been diagnosed since I was in my mid-20’s, but I’ve most likely had it since I was around 15 or 16. At least, that’s when the symptoms began. If you don’t know, fibro is a chronic pain condition. Basically, your nerves are over active and hypersensitive - they tell you you’re in pain, when there really is no reason for it. They’re not too sure what causes it. Every case is different. What it boils down to is this… I am in pain 24/7, 365. All day, every day. For the last 25 years. Each day is different as far as the level of pain, and where it’s concentrated. For the most part, mine is primarily in my back. I mean, it’s EVERYWHERE, but the most pain in in my back. My back muscles are constantly tense and riddled with knots. I have a massage chair, massage pillow, heating pads, BioFreeze, SalonPAS, IcyHot… and all that just eases the pain, but the pain never goes away. Fibro patients are at high risk for… you guessed it… anxiety and depression.
Cut to me at 4am this morning. The migraine was so bad that it woke me up. Like a demon was drilling into the back of my skull. It’s gotten to the point where I can pinpoint where the knot is that is causing the migraine. This one is under my right shoulder blade. And it’s a bitch. I took my (basically worthless) Tylenol, and immediately went downstairs to my chair. Had the setting on high, moved around until I found that little bastard, turned the heat setting up, and started to work on it. But this jerk will NOT go away.
All day, in between working - and staring at a bright computer screen has been hell - I’ve been going to my chair, or to use the pillow in my room. The boyfriend even tried to work it out when he came home during his lunch break.
So of course, when it came time to do today’s painting, I wound up creating what my brain feels like. And the painting evolved throughout the day, kind of like a supernova or the Big Bang. The neon paint even glows in the dark.
All I have to say is, TGIF.