Sympathy

Tuesday, November 22, 2022

I had lunch today with one of my (many) cousins. I have 14 on my Dad’s side, 10 are girls. We all look alike. Tall, blonde, like we just got off the plane from Sweden (we’re not Swedish, but you get the point). Thing is, I’m not really close with any of them. That’s because I didn’t grow up with them. My dad is the middle child of 7, he has 1 brother and 5 sisters. His brother doesn’t have any children but all of his sisters have either 1 or 3… seriously, 1 or 3. Being that I was forced to be with my bio-mother (a.k.a. “The Womb”) 3,000 miles away on the East Coast, I wasn’t there for all of the holidays, special events, or get togethers. Also, being a introvert with the plethora of issues I have, when I did get to visit, I usually just sat in a corner and watched, wanting someone to talk to be, but kinda hoping no one would. There were three people that always tried their best to include me, to make sure I knew that I was part of the family and loved… one of my Aunts, my Grandma, and my eldest cousin.

My cousin is going through a rough time. Her husband of 16 years (together for 22), just up and decided that he didn’t want a family anymore. Moved out of the house, and left her to deal with the aftermath and take care of their two tween daughters. It’s been especially difficult because they live in Southern California and all of the family is an 8 hour drive up in Northern California. We’ve been getting closer for the last year and half via text and phone calls, and she was an important shoulder to cry on when our Grandmother passed in September of 2021. Now it was my turn to be that shoulder, seeing as how I’m divorced and know that pain.

I gave her two paintings, two that I made specifically for her. That’s the way that I express my sympathy and support. I’m not the best with comforting words, and I’m not big on touch or contact, so it was the only real thing I could think of. Even through the tears and trying to offer comfort and support, it was a good lunch. It was good to see her in person.

When I came home after work, I sat down to paint. I broke out my new Arteza Gauche Paints, and used silvers in the background, spread by a brush, then used a paint pallet knife to add the splashes of color. All the while, I was thinking about my cousin, how nice it was to see her, but how much it broke my heart to see her in such pain. So when I was done with the colors, it was too… happy. I then decided to add the dripping black and white to break up the happiness and add some of that sympathy I have for her.

I hate to see my loved ones cry. I wish I could take their pain away.