Falling asleep

Monday, October 24, 2022

Insomnia is my nemesis. I just want to sleep!

For the last two weeks, I have not been able to sleep. My average bed time has been around 1am. And that’s me forcing myself. I hate insomnia. This is not the first time I’ve had it, either.

My mind refuses to shut down. And the strangest part is, I’m not tired. Like, I know that I NEED to sleep. Quite honestly, I WANT to sleep. But my body is bright eyed and bushy tailed. I know it’ll come bit me in the ass soon.

I don’t want any more pills. I’m already on too many. I’ve had Ambien in the past, and it made me do some weird things. The biggest was texting or posting on social media in my sleep. Weird things too. I even once texted a co-worker talking like a pirate. Seriously. I even typed out “Arr me matey”. No joke. So, no more pills.

So, I’m not entirely sure if it’s the sleep that inspired this painting. At first, I was thinking it might be a downward spiral (and not just because Nine Inch Nails is my favorite band), or a rabbit hole (also, not because I’m slightly obsessed with Alice), or perhaps a tunnel I can hide in. But the more I look at it, the more I think that I’m subconsciously trying to self hypnotize. I wonder what Freud would have to say?