Quantify

Thursday, October 12, 2023

I now hate the word “quantify”.

I tried working. I had to do it from home, but I did try. But, apparently, the universe had other plans because my home WiFi wouldn’t work.

First, I used my app to try to go through the prompts so I could fix it myself. That didn’t work. So I had no choice but to call Verizon. Does two hours on the phone with Verizon sound like fun? Take it from me, it wasn’t.

I got one tech guy on, and we ran through the process I tried from app, again. It didn’t work. Again. Then he tried a speed test. It was basically nonexistent. He said that he had to escalate the issue to a higher tech person.

This woman used up all of my patience for the rest of the year. While figuring out the issue, she made sure to insert at least one complex vocabulary word for every 3 or 4 lament word. But she didn’t use extensive vocabulary in a way that would make you think it was her natural way of speaking. The worst part was that her intellectual words were limited to about 10, that she repeated over and over. The word she used the most? “Quantify”.

Over the course of the almost two hours I was on the phone with her, I lost count of the times she said “quantify”. Seriously, if I was playing a drinking game where I had to take a shot for every time she said it, I would be in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.

It’s difficult for me to quantify how many times I heard the word “quantify”… and I hope to never hear it again.