Tics

Thursday, January 19, 2023

I swear, it’s NOT Tourette’s!

When most people hear that someone has “tics” (no, not like the bug), ”tic” as in the involuntary twitches or sounds that someone makes repeatedly, they usually think of Tourette’s. But do you know what else causes tics?

Wait for it…

If you answered “ADHD,” you’re today’s lucky winner! What have you won? Absolutely nothing. The phrase “starving artist” didn’t come out of thin air.

I’ve had tics most of my life. The earliest I can remember them is around the age of 10 or 11. I’ll go awhile without them, then one day, BAM! They’re back like Chandler’s ex, Janice. (Did she just throw in a “Friends” reference? Yes. Yes she did.) My tics are mostly from the neck up. And when they start, I repeat them so much that I usually end up with in (even more) pain and a headache. My first tics (I had two of them) were with my facial muscles. I would either raise my eyebrows, wrinkling my forehead, or pinch my eyebrows together, like I’m making the “WTF” expression, and I would do it until my face was in agonizing pain. I couldn’t understand why I was unable to stop.

As an adult, I will still sometime have the eyebrow tics, but I’ve added fun new ones. And by “fun” I mean I hate them with the fire of a thousand suns. I will now do this thing with my neck where I like push my head forward while tensing up the muscles in my neck, almost like someone is pulling the little hairs and I’m trying to alleviate the pain. I will also do the same thing, but with my head going to the either side. It almost looks like I’m cracking my neck - which sometimes happens. But the ABSOLUTE worst is something that I have a hard time describing, especially if you don’t have the physical capability to do it. First, let me ask you this: can you wiggle your ears? No, I’m being serious now. Can you? I can. Well, I will, like, pull my ears back and hold it until it’s straining. Yeah, I told you that it’s hard to describe.

Here’s the thing about tics. You cannot stop them. For someone who is a control freak *cough, me, cough*, not controlling them can be more frustrating than the tics themselves. The more you think about them and the more you try to stop them, the worse they get. Kind of like a Chinese Finger Trap, the harder you pull, the tighter the trap gets.

Why am I talking about this?

Because the bastards are back! I look like I’m having a seizure, or that I have, well, Tourette’s. I can’t stop these damned things and from the neck up, my muscles feel fatigued from tightening them so much. Not to mention the dull headache that won’t stop. If you thought that not being able to focus was all that ADHD was? Well, you couldn’t be further from the truth.

Just when I thought I was getting happy again.