Suspicions
Thursday, October 5, 2023
My life has been turned upside down, and my heart can’t take it.
The boyfriend and I are not okay. Not. At. All. In fact, I’m not sure if he’s still my boyfriend. I’ve had suspicions for a while now that something’s been off. He’s always pulling away from me. Our bedroom life is practically non-existent. Not for my lack of trying, either. My catching him checking out, and interacting with “hot girl” accounts on social media, doesn’t help the path my mind has gone down.
In the 10 years we’ve been together, I’ve NEVER even considered snooping. I don’t want a relationship that isn’t built on trust, and that extends to respecting privacy. All that said, I hit my breaking point today. In my mind, there’s only a couple possibilities for how there’s just no want from him anymore. 1. I’m just not doing it for him anymore. 2. There’s someone else. 3. He wants there to be someone else. That lead me to do something I swore I’d never do… after he left with his friend to go to day one of Aftershock, I went through his iPad.. which is a clone of his phone.
Admittedly, I could’ve chosen better timing. I waited until 20 minutes before a video meeting with my new VP. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what we talked about, because my heart was breaking. Message, after message, of dirty, filthy, texts to a plethora of unknown numbers. Then, his FB history log showed a LOT of likes and comments on accounts for women that are my polar opposites.
Let’s just say, I didn’t take it well. I texted him that I was done. We were over. He was free to go stick it where he obviously wants to, and that it wasn’t me. He said he didn’t know what I was talking about. Typical. After screenshotting said texts, and send them to him, he said that they were all spam messages and he finds it entertaining to mess with them. While he was never the one to initiate a message, and most were very brief, I can ALMOST believe him. That still doesn’t explain the social media behavior. The thing that got me throughout all of it, is that not once, did he say anything about his breech of privacy.
In a fit of rage, I took down every single photo of us, took them out of the frames, ripped them in two, and put it all in a box. All the while, sobbing and screaming. Yeah, I lost my shit. I then texted Amanda to meet for coffee and venting.
I don’t know what I’m going to do, or how to move forward… but I do know that I will be sleeping on the couch tonight.