Take me away
Wednesday, April 26, 2023
I really do hate living in this limbo.
I had to be at the office early today. I only worked a half day in the office and then was remote for the rest of the workday. Of course, since it took forever to fall asleep last night, that meant that I had very little sleep, and woke up late. Glad I took a shower last night. I rushed upstairs, and started getting ready.
In the mornings, the boyfriend’s allergies are at their worst. He usually spends the morning sniffing and blowing his nose. Today, I knew it was a different sort of sniff. I had a nagging feeling that he was crying. I don’t see him cry often. In fact, I can probably name less that a handful of times that I’ve seen him cry in the last 10 years. The crying was confirmed when he brought me a cup of coffee… but I ignored him. No way am I going to let a little bit of tears from him make me drop this. Nope. We WILL be having a discussion. I am not going to sweep this under the rug, again. Nope. Not this time.
Before I walked out the door to leave for work, I told him that the dog needed to be fed. He bolted upright and practically jogged to me as I was standing in the door. He was still crying. I told him that we need to talk. I don’t like this limbo we’re in. I don’t like the feeling that we’re at the end. I’m unsure if we can move past this, but it needs to be addressed either way. Then he kissed me like it was the last time, and I left.
The morning at the office flew by, and before I knew it, it was time to head home. I changed from work appropriate clothes, to summer softball mom clothes as soon as I walked in the door. Right as I was putting on my shirt, I heard a female voice from downstairs and the dog barking. It was my step-mom. She gave me an “un-birthday” box. She said she was doing so, since we decided to not do a birthday party for me (I didn’t really want one, anyway). There were a new set of vintage, muted watercolor Arteza markers. Small, on-the-go sketch books, an Eiffel Tower wooden 3D puzzle, a notebook and coffee mug, both with the Eiffel Tower and “Paris is always a good idea” on them, vintage Paris theme scrapbook paper, and a pair of socks that say “I made a good kid” on them. She knows me well.
I spent the afternoon watching my kiddo play softball, as I multi-tasked with the scoreboard, scorebook, walk-up and between inning music, game streaming, and Facebook live streaming… it’s times like this where my ADHD actually comes in handy. My daughter had a great defensive day, even though she hates outfield, she really is good at it. Nevertheless, they were completely annihilated. As a way of consoling her, as well as avoiding going home, I took her out to dinner. I FINALLY got the tacos that I’ve craved for the last two weeks. I timed it perfectly, and we made it home right as the Kings game was starting. He’s a huge Kings fan, and I hate basketball, so, win-win. I took a shower and then headed back to my art desk. I used my new markers to paint the vintage looking Eiffel tower, using my new gifts as inspiration. Now I’m done and trying to decide if I want to stick to the uncomfortable couch, or try to stay on my side of the bed, while trying to get him to understand that it’s not an acquiescence.
If only I could use my painting as a teleportation devise and truly escape to Paris.