Getting through

Wednesday, November 16, 2022

I’ve been divorced for a decade, but I still remember the pain.

My ex-husband (my daughter’s father) and I were together for 7 years. We were only technically married for two, but it definitely felt like longer. He’s a good guy, he really is. He just wasn’t MY guy.

I was the one who left. I was the one who filed. He didn’t contest or argue. It may have been the easiest divorce in California history. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t painful. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t doubt my decision to leave. It doesn’t mean that I questioned if I could stay in a marriage with a man that I was no longer in love with, because he was my daughter’s father. But, that was a decade ago. We’ve both moved on. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years, and he remarried in 2018.

I have a close family member who is now going through a divorce. Her situation is a bit different. He left. They’ve been together for almost three times as long as I was with my ex. They have two daughters. Being one of the few family members that have gone through a divorce, plus being the unfiltered and non-sugar coating person that I am, she has often turned to me for “words of wisdom” or to just vent. I offer her my (albeit, biased) opinion and try to give her encouragement. I know she’ll get through this. She’s tough. She’s stubborn. Everyone in our family is.

I’ve been thinking about her these last few days. Today, I asked her what her favorite colors were, for today’s art inspiration - purple with grays and yellows. I truly want to do a paint pour, but since I’m still on my business trip, I’m limited to my paint pens, and I did bring painter’s tape. I randomly laid down strips of tape, then used the roll to make the circles, then just started painting.

When I finished, I came out of my trance and realized that it looked like a dark weight pushing down on the light. Staring at the painting, I came to the conclusion that this represents divorce. Two forces, dark and light, separated by a wide bridge. You need to push against the dark and cross that bridge in order to reach that light.

I have complete faith that she’ll get there. I know I did.