Lessons

Monday, February 6, 2023

Parenting is hard.

I firmly believe that you must teach your children that life is difficult. Life is unfair. Most people don’t really care about your feelings. When you shelter your children, when you shield them from feeling anything other than happy, when you give them everything they want without making them earn it, you’re setting them up for failure. I don’t shield my daughter. I tell her that life is difficult. That life isn’t fair. That you have to work for what you want.

Don’t get me wrong, I encourage her to express herself. I don’t want her to keep her feelings inside. I encourage her to speak up for what she wants. But I also don’t want her to be delusional, I don’t want her to think that just because she wants it, she gets it. I don’t want to wrap her so tight in a cocoon where she wouldn’t be able survive the outside world.

I does hurt to see her hurt. I do have to fight my instinct to protect her from everything. But I know that would just be a bandaid on a bullet wound. I get frustrated that she’s upset and there’s nothing I can do about it. Sometimes that frustration explodes and I snap. That always leads into a long discussion about the realities of the world. I try to get her to see all angles. She’s very hard on herself. She has very high expectations and gets angry when she doesn’t reach those. I try really hard to make her see all that she’s accomplished, all that she can accomplish, all the while being realistic about it. It’s a fine line.

I have no doubt that she’ll flourish. She’s going to be a powerhouse. When she’s in her element, she’s an unstoppable bullet train. When she leaves for college in two years, I know that it’s very unlikely that she’ll need to come back home. She always can, I’ll always have room for her and I’ll always welcome her with open arms. But I know that she’s going to do great things. She’s going to be a successful adult and I will always be here if she needs me. Hopefully, though, I’ll have done a well enough job that she won’t.

To reiterate… parting is hard.