Splintered & burnt

Friday, October 28, 2022

I’m tired.

I’m tired of everything. I just want to escape. I want to hide. I want to runaway.

I’ve been down most of the day. It was easy to ignore at work, I had a lot to do an concentrate on. The drive home, though… yeah. I started to feel it. The second I walked through the front door, I could feel it take hold. And it just got worse.

I cooked dinner and then it was pumpkin carving night. The boyfriend’s mom came over. I had no energy. No desire to do anything. I painted mine. I was in the living room, everyone else was in the kitchen. Not eve the Nightmare Before Christmas could cheer me up. I even painted my pumpkin as Jack.

Then when everyone was done, and gone, I saw the mess. I’m tired of picking up after them. They’re all old enough to do it themselves. I wasn’t even in there. This happens every time. After pumpkins, after Easter eggs, after gingerbread houses. I set things up for them to have a nice holiday tradition, like I did not have, and then they leave the mess for me. I’m tired of doing it.

I’m burnout. I’m splintering. I’m breaking. I’m just… tired.

So when I sat down to paint, I didn’t think. I just painted. And this is what the canvas became.

Splintered, burnt, tired, cracked and broken. And no one here to help me.