Tired & delirious

Saturday, October 29, 2022

I am exhausted.

I couldn’t fall asleep last night until after 1 am. Considering today is Saturday, that normally wouldn’t be an issue as I could sleep in. But not this Saturday.

My daughter has been playing softball for the last 10 years. It’s her one steady passion. As she also has the hyper fixation gene, you know she has to be serious about it, since she hasn’t lost interest in a decade. And she’s good. I’m not just saying that because I’m her mom. Time and time again, her stats prove my point.

However, her last team did a number on her. Specifically, the coach. He was terrible. I feel so guilty that I didn’t pull her out of it sooner. I’ve always tried to teach her to honor her commitments, but in this case, she also learned that she deserves the same respect she shows. He came really close to making her loose her love of the game. To say that I burnt that bridge to the ground when I pulled her, would be an understatement.

Her prior team’s coach really wanted her back, but my poor daughter needed a break. She guest played for them once before and agreed to again this weekend. So, here we are. Up at the butt crack of dawn, to drive an hour, to play three games today. Well, she plays, I sit. She was extremely anxious the entire drive. I had to argue with her to go. For the record, I don’t force her to play. I don’t choose teams for her. I let her make those decisions because, a. she’s old enough, and b. I don’t want her to feel pressured and fall out of love with the game. That’s what happened to me, and I quit. I still regret it. But, after the middle of the second game, when she found her groove back, I knew it was like old times. She was smiling and cheering and genuinely enjoying herself. By the time we left, she said, “You were right.” Of course I am. I’m mom.

Today, I brought some art supplies. I usually don’t because I’m normally the scorekeeper. I was on her first two travel teams, I am for her high school team. So to sit here with nothing really to do, it’s hard for me. I decided to bring a few small canvas boards and my set of Arteza watercolor pens - side note, they are AMAZING! - and my oil paint pens.

I sat down with nothing in mind, and this is what my brain came up with. Not sure if the circle are because we’re at a softball tournament, or because I’ve feeling a bit delirious from lack of sleep, but I kinda like them. It reminds me of a circus. It’s also odd that I chose some bright colors. I think I missed softball as much as my kiddo has.