This is Halloween

Monday, October 31, 2022

Today, I looked utterly ridiculous. But it’s okay, because so did everyone else.

I love Halloween. Love. It. However, I don’t like getting dressed up. I don’t like costumes. It makes me feel like I stand out. I like to be in the shadows. I hate attention. It makes me uncomfortable. It gives me anxiety. Once, in high school, one of my best friends invited me to a Halloween party. She told me it was a costume party. The only costume we had at my house was a black and white clown my mother had worn. So that’s what I wore. I even painted my face. But when I showed up, I was the ONLY one in costume. She said she “forgot” to tell me that they changed their minds. I’m still wondering how much of an accident it really was. And that was over 20 years ago.

I still have trauma from that night. I was completely mortified. Ever since, the idea of arriving anywhere in a costume, kinda makes me want to throw up. Even when I know, logically, that I would probably stand out even more if I wasn’t in costume, I still have flashbacks to that party.

My department team mates chose to be hippies. I had to buy these absolutely hideous pants on Amazon, but the rest we had. I wore a Grateful Dead shirt that is the boyfriends, and long yellow sweater vest cardigan thing that is actually mine, I emulated my make-up from Twiggy, and I painted a small peace sign on my cheek. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to drive there. But I did. I’m kinda glad I did, because not only were my team mates all even more hippie than I was, but other departments went a million miles further than we did.

I was actually feeling pretty good when I got home. I prepped all of the outside decorations, making sure they were on and the motion activated ones were set. I lit all the candles and the fun light up decorations. My Halloween village is in full swing. I got the candy bowls ready on the table. I put the dog in his costume - he’s my cute little pumpkin caterpillar. The kiddo was dressed up as The Purge, and her and her friends went off to get into teenager mischief… not really, they just went to Trick-Or-Treat. They’re all great kids.

Then I sat down to paint. Did I paint with a witches hat on? Yes. Did I paint in between passing out candy? Yes. Did I paint as the boyfriend watched a horror movie marathon? Yes. Was I actually enjoying myself? You better believe it.

This is a 16x20, so a little on the larger side. I didn’t want to pour, just paint. I started with the yellow, then blue, then orange, then green. I liked it, but it was lacking. That’s when I added the black and white. But it still felt like it was missing something, so I added the lines and splats.

I love it.

I love Halloween.

I’m still exhausted.