I can’t people
Wednesday, June 21, 2023
The degree to which I am socially awkward is, quite frankly, astounding.
I knew it was going to be “one of those days“. How? Well, when I work at the office, I have to leave my house by 7 AM to get there by 8 AM to start my day. What time did I wake up this morning? 6:56 AM. I only woke up because the boyfriend cuddled my back and asked if I was working from home. Needless to say, I did not take a shower this morning. Which will become a relevant part of the story later. I quickly put on some make up, put my unwashed hair in a clip, and was grateful that I set my clothes out the night before. I made it to work at 8:20 AM, just in time to prepare for my 830 1:1 meeting with my VP. As if my morning wasn’t stressful enough, I also remembered that all of the big executives were up from our main headquarters in Southern California. All I could think, was that I hope they don’t get close enough to smell me. I mean, I don’t particularly think I’m smelly today, but the fact that I didn’t take a shower is resting heavily on my mind.
After my 1:1, the rest of the morning was pretty uneventful. Until I decided to check my bank account. Since the drama of last week, I have been vigilant about checking my account like a crazy person. I noticed a charge for $49.97 that I know was not me. Starting to freak out and thinking that maybe my card got stolen again, I click on the transaction and it said it was from Apple.
Before I decided to call the bank and proceed with the fraud process, again, I had an inkling I should call my daughter. Good thing I did. I asked if she’d purchased anything recently. You see, her phone, her VR, and her computer are all linked to my bank account. Don’t ask me why I did that, I’m still trying to remember my reasoning. Well, turns out that my beautiful, intelligent, lovely and wonderful daughter, decided it would be a good idea to purchase what she called “gems“ for one of her VR games. I know the reasoning for this… she let me know the other day that she’s been talking to some boy from Texas through her VR set. Don’t get me started, I’ve already lectured her on the safety of meeting people online. To say that I was angry, would be an understatement. Especially since she just did some nonsense like this back in September, when she spent $142 on some phone app game.
She told me that she was afraid to tell me that she had done it, that she regretted doing it as soon as she hit purchase. Which goes to tell me that it did cross her mind that this might not be such a good idea. But she decided to do it anyway. She was probably hoping that I just wouldn’t notice. Like I wouldn’t notice an unknown $50 charge. If I was Bill Gates, or Jeff Bezos, or anyone of those other richer than they need to be people, I wouldn’t have noticed. But I am a middle-class single mom. Yeah, I noticed. She told me that she would pay me back and do physical labor. I think it’s funny that she thinks that that wouldn’t of been part of her punishment anyway.
With that still on my mind, I proceeded with my afternoon at work. Then one of our executives stopped by to speak with my VP. I really like my VP. She found me and recruited me and I am extremely grateful for that. I truly love the company that I work for. She has more energy and people skills than any other person I’ve ever met. She calls herself a “bull in a China shop”, and she ain’t wrong. Well, she started bragging about all of my art to this executive and that led to a group discussion with three other team members and ended with me showing him a bunch of my work and handing him a business card. I told her later that she should really be my PR person. I, of course, was extremely embarrassed and felt awkward the entire time. I also don’t take compliments very well, so there’s that. Right after this conversation, there was a retirement celebration for another one of our executives. My VP did not go, but I did go with one of my other coworkers. Honestly had she not gone, I wouldn’t have been there at all. I do not do well in a situation where I don’t know anyone.
When I left my last place of employment, the CEO told me about my current CEO as it’s the same industry and they are friends. I don’t have very many opportunities to speak to our CEO because he is in Southern California. I am also incredibly shy and awkward. It has taken me a year to even say hi to this man. Even though he is known for being a very personable, friendly and approachable man, I am known for being extremely socially awkward. When I finally did approach him after the speeches, I felt like a complete idiot. I like to think of myself as a decently intelligent person. When I am comfortable, I can be articulate and thoughtful. But put me into a room with people that I do not know and have not prepared for, I’m going to be a bumbling fool. And was that ever on display today. After the conversation, I just awkwardly stood there, because I didn’t think running out of the room would be a good look for me, I munched on some veggies at a standing table. I was approached by a few other team members that I did not know, introducing themselves. I timidly shook their hand and smiled and did not look them in the eye. Then I awkwardly said goodbye to those around me, even though they probably didn’t even know I was there to begin with, and casually walked out and back to the office. I am going to give myself stars for not running out like my hair was on fire. My people-meter, for the day has been spent, and I am an awkward socially unacceptable mess.
If I could crawl under a rock or into a hole and die like a wounded wild animal, I would happily do so.