Bursting

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

My pants don’t fit.

I have gained so much weight. SO. MUCH. None of my clothes fit, I feel like a beached whale. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. This is nothing new. I have yo-yo’d my entire life. I’ve been thin, I’ve been plus sized. Right now, I’m going towards the plus. I hate it.

Part of me has given up. Forget it. Eat the chocolate. It doesn’t help that it’s the holidays and the sweets are EVERYWHERE! I cannot control myself. I’m going overboard. I’m going to give myself diabetes. BUT I CANNOT STOP. It doesn’t help that I’m now on medication that lists “weight gain” as a side effect. It’s ridiculous. In today’s society, a lot of people (mostly women), struggle with body image… which can lead to depression… then prescribed medication that… wait for it… makes you gain weight. We literally cannot win.

When I sat down to paint, I just started with colors. It looked okay, but was lacking. I drew a circle, then this happened. Not really sure what it is or why it is. The only thing I can think of is an eye. Kind of like the eyes of everyone watching me balloon… judging.

I think I’m getting paranoid.