It’s not black & white

Friday, January 26, 2023

Life isn’t black and white, nor is it shades of grey. Life is color.

As I sat down to paint, I just stared at the canvas. My mind blank for the first time in a long time. Nothing. There was nothing. So, I painted white. Thought, “It’s not enough”. So I added black. It was too harsh so I blended my black and white spots and added some silver. Aside from looking like a cow, it just didn’t feel right.

Why didn’t it feel right? I closed my eyes and just let me my mind relax… or as relaxed as I can actually get. I started to think about how, when I was young, I thought in very black and white terms. It was always yes or no, not maybe. It was never or all the time, not sometimes. But that’s not how life is. That’s not reality. I know I’m uptight. I hate surprises. I don’t like uncertainty. But it’s unavoidable. The boyfriend says I need to, “go with the flow”, which always annoys me, but he’s right…. just don’t tell him I said that.

The question is, how will I ever get there?